Coin Toss
by li-flower
Summary: Oneshot based off of "Rising, Part 1". John Sheppard isn't the type to deliberate for a long time, but when you're offered a chance to go to another galaxy with no means of return, you have to seriously consider your options. Should he take the plunge?


**A/N: **Sci-fi has helped me solve my problems. Recently, like Sheppard in my fic, I was faced with a dilemma. Although I'm not going to another galaxy with potentially no means to go home (and I didn't have such a short time to decide), the prospect of going into the unknown was scary. However, _Stargate Atlantis _has made me realize that you have to find the courage take the plunge into the unknown to discover something—be it a part of myself or a lost civilization. The risks and challenges are just part of the adventure.

Sorry about the vague explanation, but I didn't want to go into all the details of my situation. Anyway, I wrote this piece to get rid of my doubts (since I'm not at the gate yet, so to speak) and because I love John Sheppard. Plus you can think of it as a dose of SGA before the new season begins. – Hana Li

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Stargate Atlantis._

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**Coin Toss**

Major John Sheppard never thought sitting in a park would be anything unusual. After living on the frozen, white expanse also known as Antarctica though, he relished in feeling the warm breeze on his skin and the grass below him. He could just stretch out and lay here for hours, but he didn't have all the time in the world. A thought—a decision he had to make—plagued him

_"Now if you can't give me a yes by the time we reach McMurdo, then I don't even want you."_ General Jack O'Neill's words rang through his mind. Not quite sure what he was getting himself into but not wanting to pass up an opportunity, Sheppard had given the General a hesitant "yes." Now he was having second thoughts.

The whole situation was beyond bizarre. It began as a simple mission: transport General O'Neill to some secret research base in Antarctica. Everything was going smoothly until an alien missile that looked like a squid up close flew at their chopper. He wondered what General O'Neill had seen to allow him to be unfazed by the incident. That was enough weirdness for Sheppard, but it didn't stop there.

Before he knew it, the woman in charge of this expedition to Atlantis, Dr. Elizabeth Weir, asked him to join her team. All because he sat in a chair and made it light up. Oh yeah, he also apparently caused a hologram of the solar system to appear with his mind. Most of the explanations involving stargates, Atlantis, and the gene he had that was responsible for all this went over his head. This belonged in sci-fi shows, not real life. (1)

Dr. Weir's offer surprised him. Ever since Afghanistan, everybody wanted Sheppard out of their sights. It was why he requested to be posted at McMurdo Station. Antarctica was the only continent he hadn't visited, and he'd be away from all the mutterings about his disobedience. He didn't need to be reminded of his failure. Although Antarctica gave him some peace, at times it felt like exile. Stuck doing menial tasks like transporting personnel to various outposts, Sheppard missed adventure. The novelty of Antarctica had worn off, and he wondered if anything exciting would happen. Then this came along.

The Atlantis expedition could provide a fresh start. At first, it seemed like Dr. Weir didn't know about his record, but if she had tried to get General O'Neill to persuade him, then the black mark would've been brought up. Her insistence meant that she really didn't care about his screw-ups. For once, somebody saw him for what he could do, and not what he had done in the past.

Then there was the thrill of the unknown. Who knew what other galaxies had in store? He might just have the chance to do some serious flying.

However, the unknown could be a dangerous thing. Even if he often found things other people were afraid of exciting, this whole other galaxy business made him uneasy. Dr. Weir had mentioned that they might never be able to return to Earth, which meant there would be no backing out once he made up his mind. He wouldn't be leaving much behind—besides football, ferris wheels, and golf (not that he had those in Antarctica…well, there was snow golf).

He didn't like the idea of getting stuck somewhere. The team could find themselves on a desert planet that made the Middle East look like an oasis or a tiny island in the middle of an ocean bigger than the Pacific. Heck, the place might look a lot like Antarctica (the potential familiarity of the landscape was not going to let him forget that he'd be on an alien world). There would be nowhere to run to if he screwed up again. Not to mention he wasn't sure of the company he'd be stuck with. The scientists seemed nice, but he already felt like an outsider, having only learned about the stargate and other crazy stuff a couple days ago. Maybe with time, but the military team—his superior at the least—would be less than thrilled by his presence.

The more he thought about it, the more unsure Sheppard was. Did the thrills outweigh the risks? Should he take the plunge?

Even little things, like not being able to watch another SuperBowl (which could actually be a major deterrent, considering how big of a football fan he was) were getting to him. Maybe General O'Neill was right. Maybe he wasn't seeing the bigger picture.

But the team would be fine without him, even if he was a "natural" at using that chair. He had no personal feelings towards the expedition. A week ago, he didn't even know Atlantis existed. If he really had his doubts, he could back out now and return to his normal life at McMurdo.

There would always be challenges and doubters though. On the other hand, this trip was a one-time-only deal. Could he live with the knowledge that he passed it up?

Sheppard sighed. It was a simple yes-or-no question, and there was only one way out. He dug in his pockets and smiled when he felt the quarter that he slipped in there earlier. He'd leave the important decision up to fate.

The coin glistened as it flew upwards. Heads for yes, tails for no. After he caught it with one hand and flipped it onto the other, he paused. _This is your last chance to back out, John Sheppard_, he thought. _Once you uncover it, no looking back._

Maybe it was reckless to leave a vital decision up to a coin toss. Then again, it was reckless to invite a random military guy with a strike against him to join a team just because he happened effortlessly do something that very few people could do. It was all because he sat in a chair. _You've never been known for your cautiousness_, he reminded himself.

The coin had been tossed, and it was time to reveal his fate.

John Sheppard stared at the quarter for a couple seconds, as if confounded by the result. Grinning, he put the coin back into his pocket, stood up, and headed out. There was packing to do. (2)

"I hope we all return one day having discovered a whole new realm for humanity to explore, but as all of you know, we may never be able to return home. I'd like to offer you all one last chance to withdraw your participation."

Dr. Weir was kindly letting her team members change their minds. Well, "kindly" was not the best way of putting it, despite the expedition leader's good intentions. Each member was watching the rest of the group, scoping for traitors or supporters. The scrutiny could be enough to guilt-trip anybody into staying.

Sheppard found Dr. Weir's offer tempting, especially after Colonel Marshall Sumner, the expedition's military commander, had all but sneered at him. He recognized the look in Colonel Sumner's eyes; his superior saw the black mark and not the soldier. _Well, so much for good first impressions._

He kept his eyes forward, reminding himself that he had already made up his mind. And that he was here because Dr. Weir had asked him. It had been a while since somebody had asked him to be a part of something. She believed in him, and even if it was based on a mutant gene he possessed, he was willing to let that convince him that things would be fine.

Maybe.

Apprehension reared its head when he walked up to the stargate. Sheppard wasn't sure what to expect when it was activated. The giant ring spun like crazy until the final chevron was locked. Then it made a _kawoosh_-ing noise, and a watery-like substance filled the center. (3) Despite knowing that the vertical puddle was supposed to be wormhole that would transport him to Atlantis in a second, he wasn't sure he wanted to go through. Several "What if" scenarios entered his mind even as Dr. Weir and Colonel Sumner walked through.

"What does it feel like?" he asked the lieutenant beside him.

"Hurts like hell, sir." A grin broke out on the young soldier's face before he let out a "Woo-hoo!" and vanished.

Sheppard stared at the puddle a little bit longer. This was it: one step was all he needed. After that, there'd no more chances to withdraw. No looking back.

He closed his eyes. _This better be as cool as O'Neill made it out to be._

Then he took the plunge.

_FIN_

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**More notes**

1) Couldn't resist the opportunity to make a meta-fictional reference.

2) At first, I wanted to end things there, but it would've made the decision seem too easy. Also, I purposely left out the result (and what "yes" and "no" corresponded to, although I think it's assumed to be whether to accept Weir's offer or not) because I wanted to show that the coin toss only showed him what he decided all along. It was tempting to have the coin show whatever side corresponded to staying on Earth.

3) Credit for the sound effect goes to Callie Sullivan from GateWorld who transcribed "Rising, Part 1." Her exact words were "The Stargate kawooshes." I thought it was a very Sheppard-like description.


End file.
